Hello and A Short Story

Well, well.  I haven't posted anything on this 'ol blog lately, so if you're reading this, I appreciate you checking in with me.  This Thanksgiving I was invited up my good friend Noel Thompson's place in Exeter, CA (3 1/2 hours north of LA, 3 hours south of San Francisco) and spent the holiday with his lovely wife Rachel, her momma Becky and her brother Stephen (who proudly roots for the LA Clippers like I've started to do) and her Grandmother.  Getting to hang out with the Thompsons and Dottas while eating delicious home-cooked meals, playing group games, golfing and day-tripping to San Fran easily made the list of the most enjoyable moments I've had in California.  It brings a smile to my face knowing that I have a second Californian home up in Exeter.  I hope y'all had an excellent Thanksgiving as well.  For this blog, I've decided to post a short story I recently wrote...Enjoy!

 The Problem With Conscience

     There was always one more uncomfortable conversation than expected.....Allen hated parties. He especially hated parties that were set for a certain time (in this case 7pm), but no one actually started showing up until a few hours later. Why didn't they just start the festivities at 9? He had been, by his standards, fashionably late- arriving at 7:30. It was now almost 11:00. He decided to exercise his communication skills one more time before throwing in the towel for the evening.

     “So, what do you do?”

     Yet another great start to a potentially meaningless conversation. Allen quickly wish he hadn't opened his mouth.

     “I'm a lawyer.”

     Great.

     “You know, I actually just finished up a case for a guy who looks exactly like you.”

     Oh, how interesting.

     “Huh. It's uncanny how much you look alike....”

     Allen couldn't stand when people didn't look at him when he was talking, so, on principal, he smiled and nodded at the guy wearing one too many tablespoons of cologne.

     “....are you related to a Gregory Ortatangle? I think it's Dutch. Anyways, Greg's one of those losers       

     who still lives with his parents...”

     I suppose I deserve this, Allen thought, I should have recognized by his tweed overcoat that he'd be a yapper. In between nods and “Ah-Huh”'s, Allen rotated stolen glances at his watch, other smiling party guests and the spit gathering on the sides of Mr. I-don't-get-to-bullshit-enough-at-my-day-job-so-I-have-to-do-it-at-social-gathering-as-well-guy's mouth. Then, the Lawyer's monologue shifted gears and directly involved Allen.

     “So are you gay or bi?”

     “Huh?”

     The lawyer chuckled.

     “You sound surprised.”

     “Surprised? Me? No, I was just...well, I was-”

     “Kidding! Wow, you should have seen your face! You thought I was hitting on you...”

     Wow. This guy was hilarious. They both smiled- the lawyer at his “cleverness” and Allen at the thought of his gay friend James who would have dropped-kicked this asshole by now. Even though he detested this guy even more after the joke, he had to admit, if he watched this happen to someone on a TV show, he may have laughed. More importantly, Allen saw this as the perfect opportunity to get out of this interaction and head home. Who else was going to silently protest the party starting later than it should have and go home at a decent time? Not the attractive brunette being bombarded by horny guys and their wingmen. Not the couple tag-teaming the ipod playlist while dancing like nobody's watching. Not the host, mainly since he's already home, but also because he's trying to talk to everybody in the room for exactly ten minutes, unless you're a female- then you got 15.

     “I'll be right back.”

     These words were quickly regretted. Allen knew he wasn't coming back, and though he probably would never talk to this guy again, he was instinctively paranoid on wanting to be perceived as a nice guy.

     “Okay, man! Could you grab me a Bud?”

     “Sure.”

     Allen walked with purpose towards the kitchen. He slyly slipped into the bedroom to grab his jacket. Without saying goodbye to his acquaintances (he didn't want to jeopardize his mission), he put his head down and headed for the entrance. Before he left the party, he glanced over at Mr. Lawyer. He was standing in the same spot, smiling at people walking past him with his hands in his pockets while periodically glancing towards the kitchen. From a distance, a thought crossed Allen's mind: That's me. He had abandoned a more annoying version of himself. Feeling guilty and a little embarrassed, he quickly squeezed out of apartment #327 and slinked down six flights of stairs. As he left through the flimsy glass door, he held it open for a group of friends who were too busy talking to notice the gesture. As Allen released the door, the crisp Friday night air picked up and whooshed through his hair, combing it the opposite way it was groomed. Allen looked back at the door he had just escaped through. The strong wind had blown it open before it had a chance to shut.

   

Back in California After a Minnesota Summer

Hey there!  I've been back in Los Angeles for a couple weeks now and just wanted to touch base with those who still check my blog periodically.  Just in case I never told you, I went back to Minnesota for July and most of August to attend T-Bone and Jeremy Larson's wedding and be in K-Smooth and Joseph Z's wedding.  In fact, I got back 30 minutes before T-Bone's wedding started.  I would have been back sooner if my car didn't refuse to start on me just outside of Gallup, New Mexico (lovely town under different circumstances).  12 hours and a $30 hotel room later, the second best auto mechanic in Gallup (according to the tow-truck driver) diagnosed the problem: my radio suppressor was shot.  My Uncle Paul (who is also an auto mechanic) told me the guy was screwing me, but, hey- I had no choice- T-Bone's wedding wasn't going to wait for me.  So, I put the ol' 1992 Camry in gear and drove 24 hours straight- only stopping a few hours for a little shut eye.  Anyways, I made it back to Minnesota safe and sound in a car that didn't even have any brake pads left on it.  Once back in good old Fridley, I tried meeting up with as many friends as I could.  But, fortunately and unfortunately, I accepted the great opportunity of doing summer programming for CLIMB Theatre.  Thumbs up: I got to work with kids this summer, be a part of CLIMB again and make a little extra dough.  Thumbs down: I didn't have enough time to see everybody I wanted to.  But that's what Facebook's for, right?  Talking to an old friend in person will always be better than poking them on an internet social networking site, but I have to admit, I do catch myself taking a stroll down memory lane every now and again by clicking through pictures of old memories.  It kind of makes me sad.  It makes me wish I was still back in high school or college.  It makes me wonder what would have happened if I remained close friends with the person whose photo album I'm looking at.  If it feels right, I may shoot an old friend a message, letting them know I was thinking about them.  They should know that they were important to me.  

So, I'm back in LA!  I've got a new car (a silver 2002 Honda Civic),  a new apartment (in Filipino Town- which is right next to Koreatown where my old place was), have had a few auditions (including one for an Orbit Gum commercial) and am going through the process of becoming a substitute teacher as well as looking to do a part-time internship at a casting office.  And one more thing!  I now have my own radio show!  Yoshi will be missed, but I will try my best to make this show just as super, fantastic, happy, and fun as Yoshi and I did back at KGSM (Gustavus' hidden gem).  I will be on Blog Talk Radio every Friday night from 8-9:00 pacific time (10-11:00 central time) starting on September 10th!  Here's the link:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/michaeljsielaff     

Hope you have a chance to listen live- but even if you don't, each show is archived for your convenience.  Until next time- remember: reduce, reuse, recycle (in that order)!

   

New Poems

Weakness Strengthened By Audrey (what else is new?)

It's just so easy.

Google “Beautiful Women.”

Instead of images of Gloria Steinem and Kathy Aung;

Bikini-clad supermodels, actresses and athletes are showing off what gets them attention-

As if they patented the phrase.

Search results for 'female models:' 21.6 million.

Search results for 'female activists:' 0.9 million.

Value is decided by dollar signs rather than piece of mind.
Our eyes are lied to,

Coaxed to indulge in shapes and curves

While the shape of the modern woman curves downward

Until the gift of mind is a mirage.

It's just so easy.
Go to the magazine stand:

Maxim sells out while Ms. is out selling

Truth that women are not Barbie dolls to be undressed at will.

But sex wins because thinking is too hard
And mystery is used to being solved in 60 minutes.

The brain is so polluted with skin that any attempt to clean it out

Is scorned, leaving you alone, 
Going through withdrawal.
Prevention is the only successful remedy. 

Constant bombardment is too difficult to turn from so

Let it control you.

You are a machine, programmed for repetition.

Place sole blame on The Media 
Who gives license to gawk at “beautiful women.”

It's just so easy.
Appreciation of exaggerated physical beauty is accepted as an excuse
And high test scores are considered proof that even smart women 
Show off their bodies. 
But intelligence doesn't seek societal approval,
It challenges it.
(After all, brokenness isn't visible on airbrushed faces.)
Weakness needs strength.

The past reminds us

REAL beautiful women don't need 
Quotes around the words, Google searches

Or recognition-

They just need to be the future.

Perspective

I parallel park-

I'm actually going to be early today.

The sky releases drizzle.

It looks like it will pass in a moment.

I stay inside my car to wait it out.

A car parallel parks behind me.

The driver opens his door and places a wheelchair on the pavement.

It's raining.

He swiftly shifts seats, locks his door and rolls off.

He's early every day.

The Price Is Right!

I love telling stories (and hearing them too). But, as with any good story, it takes some time to sit down and write it the way it should be told. Truth is, I prefer telling stories out loud. Through encouragement and some discipline, though, I write these blog entries (that was not meant to have sounded as dramatic as it did...). If you ever want to hear a story quicker, please feel free to give me a call (if you don't have my number, just send me a Facebook message or email and I'll give it to you- no problem [insert Indian head bobble here]). And on with the show...

As you probably already know, I was on the April Fool's episode of The Price Is Right modeling cars, tredmills and chia pets (among other things).  How did I even get a shot at being on the show? Well, it happened like this: my agent Stephanie calls me (which is always exciting) on a February morning to ask me if I have any recent full-body photos of myself that show off my height and, if so, send them her way ASAP.  She said the project had something to do with a skit on The Price Is Right.   I said I'd check Facebook STASAP (sooner than as soon as possible) and ended up sending her a picture of Chantel Hanson and I who had visited me along with Megan a few weeks earlier (side note: I really appreciate those who have popped in when visiting LA: Chantel, Megan, Holly, Noel, Debbie, Dave, Jenna, Brother). The next day, I was called by Gina Edwards Nyman, one of the producers of The Price Is Right, who told me they wanted to have me on their show in a April Fool's Day skit.  She also told me that Robin Gurney would be giving me a call shortly to discuss what options of clothing I should bring to the set. After a few more phone calls and emails between Gina and Robin, before I knew it, I was supposed to be at the CBS studios on Fairfax Ave at 8:30am on March 3rd (for those interested: there are multiple CBS studios.  For instance, CBS studios on Radford Ave are where shows like Parks & Recreation and CSI: New York are shot. For clarification: production studios, regardless of network affiliation, are rented out to whomever is willing to pay for them).  CBS Fairfax is where The Young And The Restless (of which I was both the night before being on TPIR), The Craig Furgeson Show and The Price Is Right is filmed.

Now, I'm usually late to everything, but I decided that March 3rd was the wrong day to be tardy so I left early (I guess I do have the potential to be on-time...)- even though I only live 10 minutes from the CBS Fairfax. When I drove up to the studio, I showed the security guard my ID (I definitely felt like a big shot) and he directed me to where I needed to park with a smile.  When I came to the area I was to park in after going no more than 8 mph (which was the speed limit in the park lot) , I saw a white piece of paper on an orange traffic cone that read: "Michael Sielaff.”  They left out the J.  Unbelievable.  I was going to have to find out who was responsible for this...I excitedly walked towards the main door with my hands full of wardrobe options.  As I walked past the large group waiting in line to get into The Price Is Right, people looked at me like I was important- they may have been trying to think of where they've seen me before (I surprisingly get this a lot- of which I usually respond “Do you watch The Price Is Right?” Or “Are you from Fridley, Minnesota?”).  Just four months ago, I was in this same line waiting to be an audience member for Craig Furgeson.  Later, I heard that one family even camped out in front of the studio to get tickets.  After going through an airport-esque security check I went inside CBS Studios, was cleared by another security guard and was directed to the infamous Studio 33.  Walking down the main hallway with posters of “The Mentalist,” “CSI: Las Vegas,” and “Two and a Half Men” hanging on the walls, it finally sunk in: I'm going to be on network television! (More to come...aka I will add on to the story a little later this week...)

Other news...

I now have a website (michaeljsielaff.webs.com) which I will probably be updating more frequently than my blog- so check it out if you want to see what I'm up to acting-wise. I also received my first IMDb credit for a short film I was in (“Red Princess Blues”) as well as a credit for The Price Is Right and a student film called “Punch Line”- so feel free to check it out if you're bored (I gotta get my popularity up if I'm going to compete with Robert De Niro). I plan on being back in Minnesota on July 8^th through the middle of August, so I hope to see a lot of you during that time! Thanks for reading!

"Perseverance is a great substitute for talent.”

(Steve Martin)

The day that will live on in infamy!

Hello, there! Just in case nobody has told you yet: you're looking good today. Hey, a special thanks goes out to Vanessa, Louis, KatyAnna and Joy for demanding that I write another blog entry! Like always, I appreciate the kick in the pants. Zwack, I completely forgot about the Ray Charles song! Man, everybody's talking about Georgia: Ray Charles, John Mayer, Charlie Daniels (accompanied by the Devil) and now me- I'm going to have find a girl named Vermont or Alaska to be original. And now, back to the story (if you're asking yourself "What story?", please read my Feb. 9th post "Thanks for sticking with me..." before proceeding. Thank you.). Now, where was I? Oh yeah...

So I decided to go through with committing to a short film where my character makes out with a bikini model- despite a little voice inside of me whispering "What in the world are you doing?!" As the shooting day for the film got closer, the more I began to regret this decision. I mean, this is a non-paying gig, I have to travel about 40 minutes north of LA to Santa Clarita and this could be amateur porn disguised as a legitimate project (worst case scenario).

A few days before the shoot, I hadn't received what I should've asked for before committing to this project: the script. So I sent the director an email asking for it. No response. Crap. Well, I guess it will have to be improvised or memorized on the spot! I reasoned this wasn't that big of a deal since short films usually don't have an overwhelming amount of lines to memorize. Besides, soap opera actors have to memorize 20-30 pages of script everyday.

So I wake up early on "The day that will live on in infamy" (you gotta include the title somewhere in your story) to make the trek to Laurel Canyon Park, just past Santa Clarita where the director had told me to show up. I arrive a little late (me, late? I know, it never happens) since I got lost on the way there (I get lost going to auditions/film projects about 51% of the time), quickly park my car and rush up to...wait a minute, the director never told me WHERE in the park to meet him. On top of that, there where no signs (literal or otherwise) of a film being shot at this park. Maybe I had the wrong location? I check my email. I check the address on the visitor center. Yup- this is it. I look around the visitor center for remnants of life and find it- a preschool class was in session. I had a sneaking suspicion they weren't a part of the film. Well, I thought, good thing I'm wearing Asics (product placement), 'cause there's still a lot of the park to explore before giving up and going home. I mean, I want my gas reimbursement!

I started my search by hiking up the hill on the North side of the park. No luck (but a beautiful view of the valley prevented me from getting angry just yet). I made my way back down the hill. Hmm, where else could they be? The rest of the park was pretty wide open so I would be able to see them...Unless this was part of the film...I foolishly peeked in between shrubs and trees as I made my way to the South side of the spread-out park. On my way there, I spotted a maintenance guy. Great! Finally, someone who can help me out. "Excuse me, there. Hi, I'm looking for a someone shooting a film. Have you seen anyone with a camera?" The maintenance guy looked confused. "A camera? No, I don't think so." "Oh, okay. I've just been looking for that past 30 minutes for this film project that's supposed to shoot here and can't find them." The guy looks at me for a moment. "Well, there is a group down beyond those trees if you follow that path.” He points to the one place I hadn't checked yet. “Yeah, they told me not to send anyone down there, but you can check it out if you'd like." Well, that's a strange request- after all, they're missing one of their actors. "Thanks. I think I will." I had no other choice- this had to be it!

I started walking in the direction the guy told me and after coming to a bend in the path, I turned the corner and voila (pronounced wall-la...it's French)! People! There were two guys sitting a bench talking and a girl sitting underneath a tree in a sweatshirt. I noticed a small camcorder on a tripod. This can't be it- it looks like a home video set up, not a short film. "Hello! Is this for the film "Calendar Girl?" Both guys slowly turned around. The guy without a script looked at his buddy, then back at me. "No. It's not." His response was in a spaced-out monotone voice. “Really? I've been walking around the entire park looking for this shoot. This isn't it?” The guy stares at me while his buddy continued looking at his script. “What was it called?” “Uh, Calendar Girl.” “No. That's not what this is.” Surprised and confused, I replied, "Oh, okay...well, have you seen another film crew around here at all?" "No. I haven't." This guy was definitely awkward and a little creepy. "Okay." I stood there for a moment, looking around. "Did you receive a script?" What? That was a strange question. "No actually, the director never sent me a script which I thought was kind of strange." Uncomfortable silence. "Oh, well, this isn't that project." I could tell he was trying to get rid of me. "Okay. I'll keep looking." I continued walking on the path. "There's nothing over there." His monotone changed pitch, raising suspicion. "What?" "There's nothing over there. The path ends." As strange as this statement sounded, it appeared he was right. "Alright. Have a good day." As I walked back toward the visitor center, I could feel those eyes staring at me. Maybe they were shooting a horror film...

Going back to my car, I ran into the maintenance guy again. "Can I ask you something?" I said, still confused and curious on what had just happened. "Yeah, you think those people were a little strange too?" He read my mind. "Yes I did! That's exactly what I was going to ask you." "Yeah, it seems like they're trying to cover something up. Well, I gotta get going. Good luck." The maintenance guy got into his truck. "Thanks for all your help." We shared a wave and he drove off. Well, at least I know I wasn't imagining things. But, either way, that doesn't definitively answer the question: Were those people with "Calendar Girl?" As much as I wanted to say yes, I needed proof. I had to see a girl in a bikini.

As indiscreetly as I could, I made my way back to the mysterious scene I had reluctantly left a moment before. Not wanting to be seen, I walked to the edge of the woods, crouched down, and peeked through the foliage. They were gone! Huh. I know, they're probably just around the bend that the creepy guy told me to stay away from. But how was I to get down there without being seen...Wait a minute, one of them was walking back towards me! I instantly fell flat on a bed of leaves behind the bush I was looking through. Hold on, he was just getting his script. Whew! False alarm. Hey, maybe I could I climb this tree to get a better look. It was at this moment I realized something. I had officially become the creepy guy: I'm kneeling in between shrubbery and two trees trying to get a clear view of a girl in a bikini. Embarrassed, I stood up, dusted myself off, and walked back to my car. Just let it go, Michael, just let it go.

Later that day, I had an opportunity to play the role of a date for the lead character in an independent film I had auditioned for a few weeks ago (hey, if you can't get 'em in real life, might as well get 'em on the silver screen!). When I got to the set, I met the other actors who were also playing dates in the film. One of them I had met before at an audition and another looked familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on where I saw him before...wait a minute, hold the phone! “Hey, were you at a film shoot at a park earlier today?!” “I was hoping you wouldn't have recognized me.” he replied with a little embarrassment. This was the guy who was reading the script from this morning's adventure- the one I didn't talk to! “Alright! What was going on?” He told me that the director (the creepy guy I spoke to) had forgot to notify about 10 guys that he had decided to go with another actor as the “Camera Guy” and because of that, I was the tenth person who had come by looking for “Calendar Girl.” While I was being late and wandering around the park, I must have just missed these other actors who were looking for a bikini model to make out with as well. But why didn't the director just tell me that? “I guess by the time you showed up, he was tried of explaining himself and just told you that it wasn't the shoot. You were the first person he didn't explain the situation to. Sorry about that.” Unbelievable! “So, was the shoot as creepy as the director was?” “No, actually it was pretty professional.” “So it wasn't porn or anything.” He laughed. “No, not this time. Oh, and just to let you know, we saw you in the bushes.”

Fast forward a few months. New LA Casting posting in my email: “Calendar Girl 2.” I laugh out loud (that's right, I actually justified the acronym “lol”). I've never had a more satisfying click of delete in my life.

Next Time:

A poem or two AND my adventure on The Price Is Right! Speaking of which...Watch The Price Is Right on Thursday, April 1^st at 10:00am on CBS. Thank you for reading this and I truly appreciate your patience on me updating my blog!

Thanks for sticking with me

Hey, I'm sorry I haven't updated this blog in a while- but if you remind me to post something new (thanks Kelly!), I'll will happily oblige! So...like I said I would do back in November, I'm going to tell you a story. The votes narrowed it down to "Fight Club Theatre Fiasco" and "Wait a minute, my character has to make out with a bikini model?" In the end, though, the latter outweighed the former by a whopping two votes to one! But before I begin, I'll give you a speedy update on my life the last few weeks: last Monday I got to be a featured extra (aka you can actually see me rather than just being a blur in the background) in a Boost Mobile commercial as a doctor; I started taking acting classes on Monday nights with the Australian Institute of Dramatic Arts; last Friday I got to be in a short film called "Expired" as a cocaine butler (the film is about a drug addict includes recognizable actors Bob Clendenin and Chris Owen); I've been tutoring three students: Cindi (Lang. Arts), Ronald (Lang. Arts) and Stephen (Math); I have been going to about 6 auditions a week; and I've personally been submitting my headshot/resume to multiple casting directors: Dorian Frankel (Curb Your Enthusiasm, Parks & Recreation), Nikki Valko (Big Bang Theory), April Webster (Criminal Minds), Julie Ashton (Psych), Patrick Rush (Chuck) [quick story about dropping off my headshot/resume to Patrick Rush: when I knocked on his office door, his secretary opened the door and said with one of the sweetest smiles "How can I help you?" Taken aback by her friendliness (most casting director offices are annoyed when I come by with a headshot/resume) as well as her physical beauty, I responded with a "Uh...I just wanted to, uh...Sorry. I guess I just wanted to drop off my headshot and, uh, resume- if that's alright." "Sure, no problem." "Hi, my name is Michael." "Hi, Michael. I'm Georgia." We shook hands and somehow I pulled myself away from that door. For weeks I contemplated living dangerously by calling the casting office to ask her if she would like to grab coffee sometime (and I don't even like the smell of coffee). Our meeting even had me changing the words to James Taylor's song "Carolina In My Mind" to "Georgia In My Mind." Instead of calling her work line for a personal inquiry, I've decided to personally deliver a Thank You card to Patrick Rush for considering me for the Nerd Herd in Chuck and, if I have enough boldness that day, I'll ask her if she would like to chat sometime over a cup of apple juice (or coffee, I guess)]. Oh, about that story I said I would tell...

"Wait a minute, my character has to make out with a bikini model?"

Everyday I submit to projects (called "breakdowns") that are in need of actors on lacasting.com. Many of the projects I am allowed to see and therefore submit to are student films and other non-paying gigs (my agent is allowed to see and submit to all the paying gigs because she's an agent). The benefit of these non-paying projects are the experience, the chance to work with up and coming directors and footage for your acting reel. Back in November I saw a project titled "Calendar Girl" and I quickly submitted without a second thought as I normally do (I usually submit to about 25-30 projects a day). About a week later, I received an email saying that the director of "Calendar Girl" would like me to audition. Alright, I thought, let's check out what this project's all about. I went back on lacasting.com and read the character description: a down-on-his-luck photographer shoots a swimsuit calendar to make money after getting laid off. Interesting- I've definitely never had this role before. I emailed the director back about setting up an audition time and he responded by asking me if I could be in the film at a specific date and time in the middle of December. I said sure- I mean, I wasn't going to complain about not auditioning. I decided I should read the character descriptions for the other roles if I was going to be in the film. Back to LA Casting. I scroll down and start reading about the bikini model character. First off, she was getting paid $200 for her role (all I get is gas reimbursement). I suppose being in a bikini in front of the camera is probably uncomfortable for someone who's not used to it, so I could see why she would be getting paid. The description continued: "...will be making out with the photographer..." Wait a minute. What was that? I'm the photographer. She'll be making out with me! That wasn't in my character's description! Instantly getting nervous- I've never kissed someone on stage or film let alone making out with them- I considered backing out. But I slept on it and eventually reasoned that, hey, I'm going to have do it sometime, so why not now?! To be continued....

Next blog: The day that will live on in infamy! And...some new and improved poems! Thanks for tuning in!

Everyone Deserves a Poem

I remember Phil Bryant, an English Professor at Gustavus, once told our class: "Everyone deserves to have a poem written about them." When I heard this, I knew it was going to be one of those quotes that will stay with me my entire life. And I hope this concept will stay with you too. Everyone deserves to be cared about by at least one other person to the extent that their existence is celebrated. Everyone needs to know that their life is worth it. Nobody hears their own eulogy. Maybe you don't write poetry. Maybe you don't write at all. Then speak it. Show it. Prove to someone you're happy they're alive. You won't regret it.

"We are once in a lifetime." (Switchfoot)