Church and Karma

I've periodically attempted to reconcile with traditional worship for the last 6 years.  I just can't justify singing stock praises.  And even though some try hard to make it one, church is not a bass-infused, fog-invested night club where I can just ignore the lyrics and sway my limbs.  These aren't Katie Perry songs, these are hymns to God.  I feel dishonest when I use someone else's words to thank God.  I mean, if there's one Being I can't fool, it's the Creator.  Here is my most recent impulsive in-church thought:

"Exalt" the 500+ sang...Exalt...Lift up...God deserves praise, but does God want it?  Or need it?  Maybe God is wondering why we're not living what Jesus preached- why we condemn ourselves as sinners rather than hope-makers.  Lifting up others makes more sense.  Why else would we be commanded to serve.  Praising God feels like a deflection of who actually needs our attention: the strugglers.  I don't want to be ungrateful for the gift of life or the capacity for love but if we make time to be verbally thankful to God, then when do we take time to be actively thankful for God?  I guess action always made more sense than singing unless the singing inspires us to act.  It's easier to pray and sing to the Creator than show love to that manipulative friend or asshole stranger.  Refueling is what church is to me.  Worship is confusing.  But I refuse to be ungrateful.  I am fearful that bad habits will form if I don't sing praises/appreciation and that I'll be passively shunned by the community and argued with if I voice apathy for musical worship.  But God knows my heart.  And that's what keeps me honest.

On another note...a few weeks ago, this happened:

As I pulled into an open parking space on the street, a lady going the opposite direction stopped and addressed me, "Are you going to take that spot?"  Slightly confused, as I clearly just pulled in, I knew she knew the answer to that question.  I didn't even have a chance to say anything before she continued, "I was going to take that spot."  After an awkward pause of not knowing what to say, she upped the ante: "You took my spot."  I was already late to my destination and had never been confronted like this- it was like she was verbalizing common thoughts that one usually keeps to themselves.  Was I Will Ferrell's character in Stranger Than Fiction?  Clumsily I responded, "Ah, well, I got here first, so..."  She then went into desperation mode: "But I've been driving around for the past 10 minutes looking for a spot to park and I was going to park there.  Please can I park there?"  Okay.  I'm a people-pleaser because I want everyone to like me, but the chances of never seeing her again are pretty high, I logic-ed.  So, as politely as I could, in the gentlest voice I could muster I said, "No, I'm sorry.  I'm already here, so I'm going to take this spot."  The pouty demeanor drained from her face.  "I hope Karma's a bitch!" she exclaimed before violently peeling out.  I then proceeded to walk to church.  Once there, I fought the urge to pray against the bad karma she bestowed upon me.