Monday, March 8, 2010

The day that will live on in infamy!

Hello, there! Just in case nobody has told you yet: you're looking good today. Hey, a special thanks goes out to Vanessa, Louis, KatyAnna and Joy for demanding that I write another blog entry! Like always, I appreciate the kick in the pants. Zwack, I completely forgot about the Ray Charles song! Man, everybody's talking about Georgia: Ray Charles, John Mayer, Charlie Daniels (accompanied by the Devil) and now me- I'm going to have find a girl named Vermont or Alaska to be original. And now, back to the story (if you're asking yourself "What story?", please read my Feb. 9th post "Thanks for sticking with me..." before proceeding. Thank you.). Now, where was I? Oh yeah...


So I decided to go through with committing to a short film where my character makes out with a bikini model- despite a little voice inside of me whispering "What in the world are you doing?!" As the shooting day for the film got closer, the more I began to regret this decision. I mean, this is a non-paying gig, I have to travel about 40 minutes north of LA to Santa Clarita and this could be amateur porn disguised as a legitimate project (worst case scenario).

A few days before the shoot, I hadn't received what I should've asked for before committing to this project: the script. So I sent the director an email asking for it. No response. Crap. Well, I guess it will have to be improvised or memorized on the spot! I reasoned this wasn't that big of a deal since short films usually don't have an overwhelming amount of lines to memorize. Besides, soap opera actors have to memorize 20-30 pages of script everyday.

So I wake up early on "The day that will live on in infamy" (you gotta include the title somewhere in your story) to make the trek to Laurel Canyon Park, just past Santa Clarita where the director had told me to show up. I arrive a little late (me, late? I know, it never happens) since I got lost on the way there (I get lost going to auditions/film projects about 51% of the time), quickly park my car and rush up to...wait a minute, the director never told me WHERE in the park to meet him. On top of that, there where no signs (literal or otherwise) of a film being shot at this park. Maybe I had the wrong location? I check my email. I check the address on the visitor center. Yup- this is it. I look around the visitor center for remnants of life and find it- a preschool class was in session. I had a sneaking suspicion they weren't a part of the film. Well, I thought, good thing I'm wearing Asics (product placement), 'cause there's still a lot of the park to explore before giving up and going home. I mean, I want my gas reimbursement!

I started my search by hiking up the hill on the North side of the park. No luck (but a beautiful view of the valley prevented me from getting angry just yet). I made my way back down the hill. Hmm, where else could they be? The rest of the park was pretty wide open so I would be able to see them...Unless this was part of the film...I foolishly peeked in between shrubs and trees as I made my way to the South side of the spread-out park. On my way there, I spotted a maintenance guy. Great! Finally, someone who can help me out. "Excuse me, there. Hi, I'm looking for a someone shooting a film. Have you seen anyone with a camera?" The maintenance guy looked confused. "A camera? No, I don't think so." "Oh, okay. I've just been looking for that past 30 minutes for this film project that's supposed to shoot here and can't find them." The guy looks at me for a moment. "Well, there is a group down beyond those trees if you follow that path.” He points to the one place I hadn't checked yet. “Yeah, they told me not to send anyone down there, but you can check it out if you'd like." Well, that's a strange request- after all, they're missing one of their actors. "Thanks. I think I will." I had no other choice- this had to be it!

I started walking in the direction the guy told me and after coming to a bend in the path, I turned the corner and voila (pronounced wall-la...it's French)! People! There were two guys sitting a bench talking and a girl sitting underneath a tree in a sweatshirt. I noticed a small camcorder on a tripod. This can't be it- it looks like a home video set up, not a short film. "Hello! Is this for the film "Calendar Girl?" Both guys slowly turned around. The guy without a script looked at his buddy, then back at me. "No. It's not." His response was in a spaced-out monotone voice. “Really? I've been walking around the entire park looking for this shoot. This isn't it?” The guy stares at me while his buddy continued looking at his script. “What was it called?” “Uh, Calendar Girl.” “No. That's not what this is.” Surprised and confused, I replied, "Oh, okay...well, have you seen another film crew around here at all?" "No. I haven't." This guy was definitely awkward and a little creepy. "Okay." I stood there for a moment, looking around. "Did you receive a script?" What? That was a strange question. "No actually, the director never sent me a script which I thought was kind of strange." Uncomfortable silence. "Oh, well, this isn't that project." I could tell he was trying to get rid of me. "Okay. I'll keep looking." I continued walking on the path. "There's nothing over there." His monotone changed pitch, raising suspicion. "What?" "There's nothing over there. The path ends." As strange as this statement sounded, it appeared he was right. "Alright. Have a good day." As I walked back toward the visitor center, I could feel those eyes staring at me. Maybe they were shooting a horror film...

Going back to my car, I ran into the maintenance guy again. "Can I ask you something?" I said, still confused and curious on what had just happened. "Yeah, you think those people were a little strange too?" He read my mind. "Yes I did! That's exactly what I was going to ask you." "Yeah, it seems like they're trying to cover something up. Well, I gotta get going. Good luck." The maintenance guy got into his truck. "Thanks for all your help." We shared a wave and he drove off. Well, at least I know I wasn't imagining things. But, either way, that doesn't definitively answer the question: Were those people with "Calendar Girl?" As much as I wanted to say yes, I needed proof. I had to see a girl in a bikini.

As indiscreetly as I could, I made my way back to the mysterious scene I had reluctantly left a moment before. Not wanting to be seen, I walked to the edge of the woods, crouched down, and peeked through the foliage. They were gone! Huh. I know, they're probably just around the bend that the creepy guy told me to stay away from. But how was I to get down there without being seen...Wait a minute, one of them was walking back towards me! I instantly fell flat on a bed of leaves behind the bush I was looking through. Hold on, he was just getting his script. Whew! False alarm. Hey, maybe I could I climb this tree to get a better look. It was at this moment I realized something. I had officially become the creepy guy: I'm kneeling in between shrubbery and two trees trying to get a clear view of a girl in a bikini. Embarrassed, I stood up, dusted myself off, and walked back to my car. Just let it go, Michael, just let it go.

Later that day, I had an opportunity to play the role of a date for the lead character in an independent film I had auditioned for a few weeks ago (hey, if you can't get 'em in real life, might as well get 'em on the silver screen!). When I got to the set, I met the other actors who were also playing dates in the film. One of them I had met before at an audition and another looked familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on where I saw him before...wait a minute, hold the phone! “Hey, were you at a film shoot at a park earlier today?!” “I was hoping you wouldn't have recognized me.” he replied with a little embarrassment. This was the guy who was reading the script from this morning's adventure- the one I didn't talk to! “Alright! What was going on?” He told me that the director (the creepy guy I spoke to) had forgot to notify about 10 guys that he had decided to go with another actor as the “Camera Guy” and because of that, I was the tenth person who had come by looking for “Calendar Girl.” While I was being late and wandering around the park, I must have just missed these other actors who were looking for a bikini model to make out with as well. But why didn't the director just tell me that? “I guess by the time you showed up, he was tried of explaining himself and just told you that it wasn't the shoot. You were the first person he didn't explain the situation to. Sorry about that.” Unbelievable! “So, was the shoot as creepy as the director was?” “No, actually it was pretty professional.” “So it wasn't porn or anything.” He laughed. “No, not this time. Oh, and just to let you know, we saw you in the bushes.”

Fast forward a few months. New LA Casting posting in my email: “Calendar Girl 2.” I laugh out loud (that's right, I actually justified the acronym “lol”). I've never had a more satisfying click of delete in my life.


Next Time:

A poem or two AND my adventure on The Price Is Right! Speaking of which...Watch The Price Is Right on Thursday, April 1st at 10:00am on CBS. Thank you for reading this and I truly appreciate your patience on me updating my blog!